Eating with kids

Eating with kids

Eating with children isn't easy. They often don't finish their plate, spill a lot, complain that they don't like it, or want to leave the table. In this blog, we'll share some tips on how to best handle children at the table.

Tip 1: Less fussing, it's possible

Make sure that the expectations you have of your child are realistic. Kindergarten children often find it difficult to sit still for a long time. They are easily distracted. In addition, they quickly become restless and stressed if they think the meal lasts too long or is boring for them. They will (still) not like some things. As long as you offer them varied food, it is not necessary to force them to eat something. All children have some days when they have less appetite.

Tip 2: Eat at fixed times

It is best to eat a meal three times a day and also have a snack at fixed times in the morning and in the afternoon. Give your child a portion that you know he/she can eat. Let your child ask for more if he/she has eaten it all. Explain to your child that he/she is only allowed to eat at these times and is not allowed to take snacks himself/herself. It can be useful to set a specific time for the duration of the meal. Make it clear to your child how long to eat. Often 20 to 30 minutes is enough. It can be helpful to use a (kitchen) timer here.

Tip 3: Tell table rules

Prepare your child for dinner so they have time to finish what they are doing. Tell them the rules at the table. Limit yourself to 2 to 3 rules. When telling the rules, try to say what your child is allowed to do instead of what is not allowed. For example; 'stay seated until you can leave the table', 'eat with a spoon or fork' or 'eat your mouth empty before you start talking'. You can choose to let your child learn to list the rules themselves over time. Decide in advance how you will react to unwanted behavior. Tell your child what will happen if they don't follow the rules.

Tip 4: Reward your child

If your child follows the rules well, you might find it nice to reward him/her extra for it. Tell your child what the reward is if he/she follows the rules during the meal. For example: special drink or food, a game after the meal, or an extra story before bedtime.

Tip 5: At the table when the food is ready

Make sure everything is ready that you need before you tell your child that he/she can come to the table. This way you can avoid unnecessary waiting time. Put your child in his/her chair when the food is ready. Put toys or other things that may distract out of sight. Turn off the television, for example.

Tip 6: Ask and tell

Praise your child when he/she eats nicely and follows the rules. Encourage your child to only talk when their mouth is empty. Try starting a conversation by, for example, asking what your child has experienced. You can also choose to tell something about your day yourself. This way, there is not so much emphasis on whether you eat a lot or a little, but more on the pleasant togetherness.

Tip 7: Ignore small problems

Minor issues like whining, complaining, hesitating, or playing with food are best 'appropriately ignored.' Continue eating calmly and don't look at your child. Keep doing this until the problem behavior stops. Then, include them back in the conversation, for example. Be prepared that the behavior often gets worse when you start ignoring it. If you ignore your child's behavior for a while and then react, your child learns that they need to persist. Of course, some behaviors are hard to ignore, like constantly leaving the table to roughhouse with siblings or throwing toys. If this happens, immediately tell your child to stop and tell them what they should do instead.

Tip 8: Stop unwanted behavior

Put your child aside if he/she doesn't do what you ask or doesn't follow the rules again. Tell your child what went wrong and what the consequence is. Put your child close to you, on a chair. Tell your child that he/she must be quiet for 2 minutes before he/she can leave the still place. During quiet periods, do not give attention to your child. If your child cannot sit still, resort to the time-out method. This means that you remove your child from the situation where the problem arose. The purpose of this is for your child to calm down again. Take your child to an uninteresting room or room and say that it should be quiet for 2 minutes. Praise your child as soon as he/she behaves well. It is very possible that you will have to repeat sitting still or time-out a few times before the unwanted behavior stops.

Tip 9: Compliment after the meal

The meal will be over in about 20 or 30 minutes, or even sooner if everyone is finished eating. Remove the plates from the table, even if your child isn't finished eating yet. After the meal, tell your child what you thought went well during the meal. Praise your child and give them the reward you agreed on beforehand. Don't give any more food until the next meal. Or briefly describe the rule that your child forgot, and set a goal for next time. For example: 'Tomorrow we'll try again to stay at the table'.