Eating with children

Eating with children

Eating with children is not easy. They often don't finish their plates, spill a lot, complain that they don't like it or want to leave the table. This blog will share some tips on how best to deal with children at the table.

Tip 1: Less appetite, it can be done

Make sure the expectations you have of your child are realistic. Preschoolers often find it difficult to sit still for long periods of time. They are easily distracted. In addition, they quickly become restless and fussy if they feel the meal is too long or boring for them. Some things they will not like (yet). As long as you offer them varied food, there is no need to force them to eat anything. All children have days when they are less hungry. 

Tip 2: Eat at set times

It is best to have three meals a day, plus a snack at set times in the morning and afternoon. Give your child a portion that you know he/she can finish. Let your child ask for more when he/she has eaten it all. Explain to your child that he/she is only allowed to eat at these times and is not allowed to grab his/her own snacks. It may be helpful to set a fixed time for the duration of the meal. Make it clear to your child how long meals will be eaten. Often 20 to 30 minutes is enough. It may be helpful to use a (cooking) alarm clock for this. 

Tip 3: Tell table rules

Prepare your child for dinner so he/she has time to finish what he/she is doing. At the table, tell what rules there are. Limit yourself to 2 or 3 rules. Try to tell your child what is allowed instead of what is not. For example: 'stay seated until you can leave the table', 'eat with a spoon or fork' or 'empty your mouth before you talk'. You may choose to have your child eventually learn to list the rules on their own. Decide in advance how you will respond to unwanted behavior. Tell your child what will happen if he/she does not follow the rules. 

Tip 4: Reward your child

If your child follows the rules well, you may like to reward him/her extra for it. Tell your child what the reward is if he/she follows the rules at mealtime. For example: special drink or food, a game after dinner or an extra story before bedtime. 

Tip 5: At the table when food is ready

Make sure everything you need is ready before you tell your child he/she can go to the table. By doing so, you can avoid unnecessary waiting. Put your child on his/her chair when dinner is ready. Put toys or other things that can be distracting out of sight. For example, turn off the television.

Tip 6: Ask and tell

Praise your child when he/she eats properly and follows the rules. While doing so, encourage your child not to talk until the mouth is empty. Try to start a conversation by asking, for example, what your child has experienced. You can also choose to tell something about your day yourself. This way the emphasis is not so much on whether or not you eat a lot, but more on being together. 

Tip 7: Ignore small problems

Minor problems such as whining, nagging, dawdling or playing with the food are best "appropriately ignored. Eat quietly yourself and don't look at your child. Keep this up until the problem behavior stops. For example, involve him/her in the conversation again. Be prepared that the behavior often gets worse first when you start ignoring. If you first ignore behavior for a while and then respond anyway, your child learns that he must continue. Of course, there are some behaviors that are difficult to ignore such as repeatedly going off the table frolicking with siblings or throwing toys. If this occurs tell your child to stop this immediately and tell him/her what to do. 

Tip 8: Stop unwanted behavior

Set your child aside if he/she does not do what you ask or does not follow the rules again. Tell your child what didn't go well and the consequence of this. Put your child close to you, on a chair. Tell your child that he/she must be quiet for 2 minutes before he/she is allowed to leave the quiet sitting area. During the sitting still, do not pay attention to your child. If your child cannot sit still you proceed to the time-out method. This means that you remove your child from the situation where the problem arose. The purpose of this is to allow your child to calm down again. Take your child to an uninteresting area or room and tell them to be quiet for 2 minutes. Praise your child as soon as he/she behaves well. You may well have to repeat the quiet or time-out a few times before the unwanted behavior stops.

Tip 9: Compliment after meal

The meal will be over after about 20 or 30 minutes, or sooner if everyone has finished eating. Remove the plates from the table even if your child has not finished eating. After eating, tell your child what you thought went well during the meal. Praise your child and give the reward you agreed to for the time. Don't give any more food until the next meal. Or briefly describe the rule your child forgot and set a goal for next time. For example, "Tomorrow we will try again to do stay at the table.